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THE ONE THAT COMES ON MONDAYS

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At the start of each year, I set lofty resolutions about how I can better myself or make drastic changes in my life. Run one mile every day? Sign me up. Put more money toward my student loans? I got this. Meditate every day when I’ve never actually meditated before? Totally.

But eventually my motivation fades.

In 2017, I decided on a new approach. My boyfriend and I discussed a range of goals we wanted to work on either together or individually, and we settled on 12 goals to translate into monthly challenges. 

I reevaluated my relationship with alcohol and social media, got to know complete strangers, embraced honesty and slept more.

Here’s a breakdown of how I approached each month in 2017:

Goal: Reevaluate my relationship with alcohol.

Challenge: Abstain from drinking.

Success? Yes. I had two glasses of wine, but I intentionally chose when I had those.

What I learned: I became more aware of how many social situations involve drinking and found new ways to hang out with friends sans alcohol.

Goal: Improve my sleeping habits.

Challenge: Get a minimum of seven hours of sleep per night.

Success? Yes, but I’m still working on doing this consistently.

What I learned: Taking time to read before bed helps me fall asleep easier.

Goal: Get out of my comfort zone.

Challenge: Talk to one stranger every day.

Success? Mostly yes, although I wasn’t successful every day. I was terrified and anxious about this challenge at first.

What I learned: I became aware of how many people I come into contact with who I don’t talk to.

Goal: Save money.

Challenge: Bring lunch from home every day.

Success? Yes. I spent a lot less money on buying lunch.

What I learned: This required a lot more planning than I’m used to, but it made a positive impact on the rest of the year.

Goal: Spend time on a personal project.

Challenge: Create artwork for a friend’s album cover.

Success? Yes. I’ve been wanting to design an album cover for a while, and now I have one under my belt.

What I learned: I would like to find time to experiment and expand my creative outlets outside of my day job.

Goal: Be more mindful.

Challenge: Limit social media usage.

Success? For the most part, yes. I wanted to completely abstain from personal social media throughout the workweek, but I immediately failed at this. I changed the parameters to allow myself social media binges in the evenings.

What I learned: Small steps are key to making a change with social media, especially since I’m on my phone a lot for work. Limiting usage in the morning was a good place to start.

Goal: Give up one thing I love.

Challenge: I gave up watching TV.

Success? Yes, although I gave in one day and watched some TV after work.

What I learned: I am so productive when I eliminate TV. I read a lot more, went to bed earlier and found time to work on creative projects.

Goal: Tie up loose ends.

Challenge: I’ve always been intimidated by my finances. I took this month to determine how much to invest in my 401(k), look more closely at my student loans and create a more realistic budget.

Success? Overwhelmingly yes.

What I learned: A lot. You can read all about it here.

Goal: Work on physical fitness.

Challenge: Experiment with different workout routines and determine what is realistic for me to incorporate into my daily life.

Success: No. My stress level was particularly high this month, and I was dealing with painful foot issues (plantar fasciitis). This wasn’t a good excuse, but I made it into one. I didn’t set aside enough time to work out, perhaps deliberately.

What I learned: Working out is an important stress reliever for me, and I want to make this a priority. No matter what is going on, I can – and should – still find a way to be active, even if it’s just stretching in the morning or walking to work.

Goal: Foster intimacy in my relationship.

Challenge: Set aside time to have honest conversations with my boyfriend about our relationship.

Success: Yes. It sounds extreme, but my boyfriend and I carved out two afternoons to talk in-depth about our relationship, once at the beginning of the month and once at the end. Each of these sessions lasted about two hours, and we found them to be extremely valuable. We also chose six couples to interview about their relationships.

What I learned: Two sessions weren’t enough to cover everything relevant to our relationship, but it was a good start. I would like to get into the habit of having these conversations more regularly.

Goal: Collaborate with someone on a creative project.

Challenge: Make candles with my boyfriend as a Christmas gift for friends and family.

Success? No. We dropped the ball on this one.

What I learned: Sometimes, no matter how enthusiastic I am about a project, other priorities win out, like work, holiday commitments and travel plans.

Goal: Reflect on 2017.

Challenge: Evaluate the past 11 months and decide how we want to proceed next year, individually and together.

Success? Yes. For 2018 I’ve decided to do a monthly challenge for the first two months and then transition to tackling a new challenge bimonthly.

What I learned: December is a busy month with work and holiday travel. Not taking on a challenge was the right decision.

Going through this process taught me the importance of setting realistic, attainable goals. Here’s what I kept in mind while mapping out my monthly challenges:

The point of monthly challenges is not to go from zero to 100. A challenge can be as small or as ambitious as you would like it to be, from reading 10 minutes a day to tackling your finances.

This was crucial to my success. Find someone you can discuss highs and lows with. You could find someone who also wants to be held accountable and work together to complete goals.

Think about what would make each challenge a success and define it ahead of time. The parameters will be different with every challenge.

Be honest about why a challenge may be particularly difficult. Doing this in advance can help you plan accordingly and set yourself up for success.

Sit down at the end of each month and think about how it went. Do you consider it a success? What did you learn from this challenge?

• Plant a garden
• Do a new physical activity every week
• Make a list of people you want to stay in touch with and spend the month reconnecting
• Create an intentional morning routine
• Meditate regularly
• Try taking a cold shower every morning
• Stop complaining
• Make your bed every day
• Try a month of “clean eating”
• Find an organization to volunteer with

I learned to be patient this year. Making changes like these takes consistency, creativity and most of all, time.

What goals do you have for 2018? How are you approaching them? I would love to hear your stories. Email me at rachel.orr@washpost.com

E

This week:

The loss of activist Erica Garner, a new American Girl doll, and an optimistic baiku.

Two civil rights activists die

(Andrew Burton/Getty)

Activist Erica Garner, 27, died on Saturday after suffering significant brain damage following a heart attack. She is the daughter of Eric Garner, who died in 2014 after being put in a chokehold by a New York City police officer. Protesters across the country repeated her father’s final words: “I can’t breathe.” Erica Garner used her prominence after his death to speak out against police abuse.

She spent the last week of her life in a Brooklyn hospital, and friends and family took to using her Twitter account to deliver updates on her medical condition.

Earlier this week, civil rights hero Recy Taylor died at 97. In 1944, Taylor was raped by six white men in Abbeville, Ala. Two grand juries declined to indict the men, although one of the perpetrators confessed. Taylor talks about the fight to prosecute the men in a recently released documentary titled, “The Rape of Recy Taylor.”

An American Girl who dreams of space

(American Girl)

On Thursday, Mattel, which owns American Girl, announced its Girl of the Year for 2018. Its newest addition is 11-year-old Luciana Vega, an “aspiring astronaut who dreams of being the first person to go to Mars,” the doll makers said in a statement. The 18-inch doll, along with a chapter book series, go on sale today. The books follow Luciana, a tween of Chilean descent, as she attends a space camp in Huntsville, Ala., after winning a scholarship.

Chess champion refuses to compete in Saudi Arabia

(Sergei Karazy/Reuters; Lily illustration)

The prominent World Rapid and Blitz Chess Championships ended yesterday in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, but there was one notable absence: Anna Muzychuk, the reigning women’s world champion, did not compete.

Muzychuk, 27, chose to “stand for my principles” rather than defend her title. She refused to “play by someone’s rules,” she said in a Facebook post, noting that she wouldn’t be made to feel like a “secondary creature” or wear an abaya, the loose-fitting garment Saudi Arabia usually requires women to cover themselves with while in public. Her younger sister Mariya, a former world champion in her own right, also declined to attend the competition.

In November, the World Chess Federation said that there would be “no need to wear a hijab or abaya during the games.” However, women in Saudi Arabia still need the permission of male guardians to marry, get divorced, attain employment, travel or have elective surgery, and mixing with men in public places is still largely forbidden.

*Have an idea for a news-inspired baiku? Send your creation to lily [at] washpost [dot] com, and you might see it in the next Lily Lines. We follow 5-7-5.

Setbacks and victories: The year in review for women and girls

2017: The year in female rage

Vice’s ‘edgy’ culture created a place for misogyny to hide and thrive

Annette Kellerman advocated for practical female bathing suits and got arrested for it

My eight minutes as a dementia patient

 
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